So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
