Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
