My friends, they love my intelligence
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
