How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
