You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Text me some of your sweat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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