bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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