Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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