I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
