someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why do cheetos always look like penises
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize