btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
