I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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