Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
