Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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