He is an equal opportunity slut.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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