He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
