btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize