my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
