Apparently you make a good broom.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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