i was born a porn star she said
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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