I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
