i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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