Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
