So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
