Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
