so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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