You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
