i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
