I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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