haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize