I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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