Say something about gay babies.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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