do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
