I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
