Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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