I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize