Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
