Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
