between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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