Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
