So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
