I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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