roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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