i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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