Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
