i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm always down for nudity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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