My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
