sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
