i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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