I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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