Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
