I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
