I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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