i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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