How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
