Duck Duck Cougar?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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