We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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