you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
