I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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