I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my shit smells like andre
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
