it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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