apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm just crazy horny about you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
