I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
